New Inspiration

Well here I am. Finally back!!!! I know that it has been almost 2 years since my last post but much has happened since May 2010. We moved in June 2010 into a bigger house and then in October 2010 we finished our licensing for Foster Care. In Feb 2011 our home welcomed two beautiful baby boys!!! A healthy newborn of 3 weeks and a sweet little man of 1 1/2 yrs. old. Drake and Dylan. (As we call them.) What a whirlwind my life has been since.

Let me share our story. We adopted our daughter Dakota from birth through a friend. She is an amazing little girl. When she was 4 years old, one night after a night time prayer, she gets this really serious look on her face and says, "Mommy, I need to tell you something important...". Then she tells me that "Her Jesus said to tell mommy and daddy to hurry up." "Hurry up with what?", I said. Then she tells me, "Hurry up because my brothers are waiting." I almost cried and the spirit filled the whole room and I knew perfectly what she meant. My husband and I had talked for almost 2 years about doing Foster Care so that Dakota would not grow up alone. For most of our married life and Dakota's we had been living in some sort of construction zone. (Because one of the ways we made income was to flip houses). We'd finish turning a dump into a palace and then sell it and move into another dump and start over. After 7 houses in 13 years, it was time for us to finally move into a home that was finished where we could raise a family and really call it "Home". Dakota knew this as well and she sort of led the way.

We started searching for a home and moved in June. We completed training and licensing in October and then we waited. And waited. And waited. From October to February, we received 7 calls from CPS to take children. Each time they called we emphatically and excitedly said, "YES" and then we would get a call a day or two later telling us that they were placed somewhere else. Either with a relative or with another foster family that was quicker to say yes or closer to where the child (children) was residing. So when we got a call about 8 pm on a Monday night in the middle of an icy blizzard, we totally thought that again, it wouldn't actually happen. On top of that we all three (my husband, Dakota and I) all had a terrible flu. It was one of the worst stomach viruses we had ever had and all three of us down at the same time was absolute misery.

An hour later at 9:00 our case worker showed up with two babies and they too were both very sick. One had a sinus infection and the other an upper respiratory infection and both were very hungry and dehydrated with horrible (and I mean HORRIBLE) diaper rash. Bloody. They were clearly upset and confused and no one really felt well enough to deal with all the changes at once. I remember after getting everyone settled and to bed by midnight and I started to pick up the house. I thought to myself. Lord you must really think I can do this. Two of them at once? Oaaaayyy.

The very last thing I picked up was a book from Dakota's bed time story. Usually I read her the bedtime story, but I was feeling so horrible that night, that daddy read her the story while I rested. She was in bed before we even got the call, so she didn't know about her new brothers until the morning, but ironically and intuitively, the book she had picked out was titled, "How to prepare when the baby comes". Chills ran through my heart and I knew without a doubt that these two little guys were here to stay forever. Looking back, another confirmation came when we realized that Dakota had told us to "Hurry up...my brothers are waiting" the last week of April of 2010 and here we were 10 months later with a 3 week old in our home and the words of the prophets rang loud in my mind, "And a little child shall lead them." What an amazing miracle. She has a gift.

I almost thought we wouldn't make it through that first week. We couldn't leave the house because the roads were so bad and everyone was deathly ill. No one came in and no one came out. I don't know how we made it. I remember one night after about 3 days, I just laid there in bed late at night crying myself to sleep. I was in shock!!! Most people don't get a newborn AND a toddler at the time same and the things this little toddler had been through would make the hairs on your head stand up. I had a BIG job to do.

This past year has flown by. I just turned 39 and I realized that if I wanted to be 40 and fabulous that I needed to get my act together....and quick!!!! The kids are getting bigger and busier. They have school and sports and I have to keep up with them. That's awfully hard to do in a 300 lb body. So I need to get it together.

I've watched my parents over the years battle with morbid obesity (I hate that word.) My mother topped out 15 years ago at 475 lbs (at 5'2" tall.) After breaking her hip at Disneyland and spending time in a nursing home at 45 yrs old, her doctor recommended gastric bypass. She went down to 180 lbs but her problems were far from over. Since that first surgery, she has had almost 50 surgeries related to her weight. First is was her hip, then multiple foot operations, then her gall bladder and spleen. Next her knees and then her shoulders and then her heels. And I can't even begin to tell you how many surgeries on her back and spine. She even has a spinal chord stimulator installed with a batter charger. Her small frame just couldn't handle all that weight all those years and had deteriorated over time. I am no doctor, but it seemed to me that her bones became more and more brittle after the gastric bypass due to malnutrition. She did not drink her protein supplements or take her vitamins as instructed by her doctor and she did no form of exercise.
And even though she lost the weight, she still had food issues. Instead of eating a whole can of Pringles Potato Chips in one setting, she would snack on the entire can throughout the day. It made me sad and worried to see her in such bad shape.

My dad is a 400 lb diabetic who has had 3 episodes in the past years of diabetic shock. He had gastric bypass almost 10 years ago and since has gained back most of his weight.

It's been sad to see both of them lose their health at such a young age. They are both 56. I've spend countless hours in doctor offices and in emergency rooms and surgery waiting rooms watching my parents suffer, wondering which one of them will die first and how. I know it's a morbid to think about, but the reality of it is this.....being overweight all those years, both of them, has literally taken 20 years of their "Golden Years" away. The fun and good feeling "high" that foodies get when they over indulge has just as much of a high price to pay as addicts and alchoholics pay for abusing drugs and alchohol.

I just felt like it was time. My friend Genie has been a good example to me this past year. She is a another big girl like me with a Skinny Diva on the inside. She has lot 60 pounds this year and I am so proud of her. She posted on her blog that she really wanted a book. So I bought it, read it and passed it on to her. After reading this book, something just clicked for me. It's by a man named Sean Anderson called "Transformation Road". I decided to make some changes. I started on March 1st at 298.6 lbs and to day I am sitting at 282.2. 16.4 pounds gone and I have to say to quote Sean, "I'm choosing change before change chooses me".

I could relate a lot of things in my life to this man's story, but I also have a story of my own and after much self examination, I think I'm going to share a little more than I had intended when I started this blog almost 2 years ago. So here's to new inspiration. I hope this journey will help others in some small way learn to cope not just with getting the weight off, but with getting our minds right about food and health. Chao Divas!!!

Use Your Tools- Food Journals

Hey Y'All Divas. I'm down 6.8 pounds so far!!!!! Wooo Hoooo!!!!

I must admit using tools to help and having a plan sure does relieve some of the anxiety and stress that go with trying to lose weight. So far we've had several discussions that have worked to lay some sort of foundation.

We've been doing a lot of home remodeling recently so I'm probably going to sound more like a contractor here when I start going on and on about tools. You can't build a house if you don't have any tools. Just think....how can we get the 2x4's to even stand up if we don't have a hammer? Well the same goes for trying to lose weight. We need a plan just like a builder needs blueprints. The plan tells us what to do, which tools to use and when.

One of my favorite tools is the food journal. I read a very good article in Good Housekeeping online over the weekend. Here is the link http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/health/advice/food-diary-diet-success

It states that most people who don't journal until the end of the day or not all, but just by recall, are missing up to 38% of their calories consumed. This can put you waaaayyyyy off course and delay your progress greatly. It would be like taking one step forwards and 1/2 step back every day. It will take you soooooo much longer to get where you are going if you are not completely accurate in your journaling. One of my favorite sayings is, "If you bite it, you write it." This is true. Also ladies.... let's be honest here, some us live in a whip cream bowl filled with denial. IF YOU BITE IT, YOU WRITE IT!!!!! YES that means if you eat 3 peanuts at Texas Roadhouse, you write it. YES if you finish your 3 yr old's orange juice box, you write it. YES if you eat one of your kid's chicken nuggets because you felt bad throwing it in the trash when they were done, you write it! Yes you write down everything.

I know this seems cumbersome having to carry around a journal and write EVERY L-I-T-T-L-E thing you pop into your mouth but hey...if that's what it takes for us to finally achieve success then I'm all for it. Especially with all the cool and neat little toys out there to help us. If you can afford it Divas I highly recommend treating yourself to an i-Phone. There are dozens of applications out there for the i-Phone that can help you journal. They range from simple journals to Weight Watchers and other online services that sync up with your phone and allow you online access as well.

My personal favorite is "Food Scanner" and "Daily Burn". You can get them through the i-tunes store. They both work hand in hand on the i-Phone and all you have to do when preparing foods or eating is use your camera and scan the bar code on the package. Then wha-la (choirs of angels singing), your phone pops ups with all the nutritional info you need to record accurately. If the food you eat does not have a bar code such as an apple, then you can just look up the food by doing a search on the phone and it will pull it up. It's AWESOME!!!!! I just love, love, love my i-Phone.

Anyways.....I'll try to keep this one short today. The article in Good Housekeeping was great, tools are AWESOME, i-Phone are Heaven Sent. Now go build yourself a new body and do it right!!! Remember.... IF YOU BITE IT, YOU WRITE IT!!!!

Happy Journaling ladies.

Offsetting A Bad Food Day With Exercise and Water

Thursday was a strange day Divas~ One of those days I'm sure we'll all go through at some point or another. My monthly visitor is almost here and I have been CRAVING something sweet. So..... the sweets monster came out and all reason went out the window. My will power totally broke into a million pieces. No amount of prayers were going to save me. I CAVED. I had about a 600 calorie binge. OMG!!!!!!

What's worse (and lesson learned here). I did not use my tools properly. Usually I keep my iPhone handy and use it to journal my food by getting onto the Internet and using www.calorieking.com. (It helps me make better choices). But NOT TODAY!!!!! Did you know that the Subway Tuna 12" sub has almost 1000 calories? OH HELL NO!!! I did NOT just suck down almost 1600 calories in one sitting for lunch. Not to mention I still had dinner to go and I already had breakfast.

So thank goodness housework was in my plan today. (It burns as much calories as walking at a steady pace). I deep cleaned for 3 hours and then hit a Zumba class. And I drank lots of water. At the end of the day, when all was said and done I consumed about 2800 calories but surprisingly, I burned about 4000 STILL leaving a deficit of over 1000 calories so I made my goal anyways. The Heavens were smiling down on me and they have been watching over me so I have to give thanks for that at the very least.

Here are the fine points of today's lessons learned, if you gotta binge and you just can't resist, then a) do it in the morning so you got all day to burn burn burn or correct b) exercise MORE to offset the calories already consumed c) pick exercises that you know will burn more cal/hr. d)drink lots of water e)watch the rest of the calories for the day by using your tools, know what's going in instead of figuring it all out later. You might be pleasantly surprised in the end. I know I was when I stepped on the scale. I still lost weight when I got back on the scale. Woooo Hooo!!!!

Top 10 Reasons to Lose Half of Me

Hey Divas. I thought it would be a fun exercise to make a list of the top 10 reasons why it would be good, nice, fun, whatever to lose half of me. Then.... on those hard days when we're feeling tired, sore, lazy, self loathing and all those other excuses we use to not get up and do what we KNOW we need to do.... I'll have this nice little list to refer to, which I shall post on my refrigerator door near my scale. Deep breath.... here goes.

1. It will be a good example for my daughter to be healthier.
2. My feet, knees, back and other parts won't hurt as much.
3. My long term health costs will be lower and I will save $$$$.
4. I'll hopefully live a longer, fuller life.
5. It's a lot more fun to play in the game than to sit on the side and watch.
6. I'll fit into smaller places, more comfortably, like planes, movies, bathrooms.
7. I'll be able to reach my unreachable parts and see unseeable parts.
8. Better sex, better sex, more sex...get the idea? LOL
9. Let's face it, shopping, shopping and more shopping.
10.I will become more employable and strangers will treat me differently.

I know some of these are cheezy, but hey the list is actually a lot longer than this, but these were the top 10. Make your list today and refer to it often so that you can always remind yourself of why you are taking this journey.

Have a beautiful day.

Plan Your Work and Work Your Plan

So here we are Divas, the beginning of another week. Don't be hard on yourself. Making positive changes takes time. I certainly don't quite know what I'm doing yet, but I'm feeling great about it all and am ready for another week.

As we head into week 2, I'm sure some of you are thinking......"So...what's the plan anyways?" "What exactly IS she going to do to lose HALF of herself???? Well, I'll tell you my plan, but you gotta remember that before you start any diet or exercise plan to check with your doctor. I did..... and he thinks it's a solid plan, but you and I may be different and you always want to make sure it's safe for YOU.

Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) is a mathematical calculation that tells you exactly how many calories your particular body mass burns in a 24 hour period just living, breathing and being.... with little to no physical activity.

If we go back to basic life science and chemistry, you know that 3500 calories = 1 pound of fat. Sooooo.... if you wanna lose 2 pounds a week (on average), you gotta lose 7000 calories a week (or 1000 calories a day). So how do we do that???? I'd say, let's start off by figuring out what our BMR is. Mine is 2100. If I wanna lose 1000 calories (or a deficit as they call it) then I would split the 1000 calories in half and try to BURN 500 CALORIES and then consume 500 CALORIES LESS than my BMR (which is 1600 calories). So my goal is:

Eat a balanced diet of 1600 calories or less each day AND
Burn 500 extra calories each day through exercise and movement.

Sure there are various calculators you can use to track your calories eaten. I personally really like www.calorieking.com or www.sparkpeople.com. Then for exercise there are various calculators on the web for that too.....HOWEVER if you have the money, I recommend purchasing the BODYBUGG.

The bodybugg runs anywhere from $175-$250 depending on if you get online support (which you really don't need if you get the display). The bodybugg is a multi-directional, super duper, highly accurate pedometer that calculates all your movements (except when swimming) and gives you a total calories burned for the day. Knowing this very accurate number is extremely helpful..because realizing it or not.... there are movements we don't even think of that will cause us to burn, burn, burn more calories than we realized. Take yard work, for example..... I did not know this until just this weekend, but yard work for one hour burns twice as many calories as walking for one hour. SWEET!!!!!

So there's my plan to lose 2 pounds a week through food and exercise journaling. I know it will take me a while, but I will be doing it at a nice slow pace that should allow my body to heal and get healthy. As I continue to blog, we will discuss in a bit more detail how we get to our calories consumed goal. There are guidelines I am going to follow, such as choosing only 3 carb servings a day and making sure to get 3-5 fruits a day etc. (Only because as you all know, eating balanced is much better for our bodies.) Oh sure....there will be those days when all you want to do is just sit down and eat 1600 calories in chocolate chip cookie dough and then go for a walk and then call it a day. And yeeeeessssssss, I might be within my calorie deficit goal of 1000 for the day if I do that, but is it good for me? Absolutely not.

So that's the plan and I'm sticking to it. If you keep an eye on the left side of my blog, I will be posting more regularly my stats and journals. You can also find on that side the BMR calculators and such. So here's to week 2 and to having a pland and workin' it!!!!! Have a beautiful Monday.

Never Take Advice From Someone More Screwed Up Than You Are.

OK Divas, this is my "make up" blog since I missed yesterday. And since I just finished writing today's blog, it really got me hot steaming mad as I wrote about my husband's unconscious sabotage efforts.

He really is the most wonderful husband in the world. But let's face it ladies.... My mama always told me to find a set of flaws you can live with and then live with them. Because there is not one of us out there that's perfect. Well... my husband is no exception. I'm sure I'm not either.

When we got married he was a string bean. Six foot and 6 inches tall with a weight of about 205 pounds with a 34 inch waist. He was very disciplined at getting up at 5:30 every day and he used to love running. It was very nice. I on the other hand was always a little on the plump side starting our marriage out at five feet and six inches and weighing 235 on my wedding day. A size 20.

Well over the years, my husband has taken to being my personal advice therapist, telling me all sorts of things I'm doing wrong and right and he goes from one extreme to the next. His mantra has always been....."Honey, never take advice from anyone more screwed up that you...."

Well I just have to laugh at that one. We've been married almost 13 years and in that time his waist has stretched from 34" to 48" and his weight has gone from 205 to 335. A net gain of 14" and 120 pounds in 13 years. My stats are bad, but not as bad as his. I started out with a 44" waist and I'm now at 55" and my weight has gone from 235 to 300. A gain of 65 pounds.

So, REALITY CHECK Mr. Wonderful Husband...... I'm not taking ANY MORE DIET advice from you. You've gained almost double the amount of weight than I have in the same period of time. NOTHING you can say can help me. Honestly... I don't know how he thinks he's an authority on weight loss when his addictions to things like greasy hamburgers and Dr. Pepper have put him in his own predicament. And he thinks that just because he's taller that it makes him "healthier". Well all I can say is HA!!!! to that.

The same would apply to all you lovely ladies. I believe in truth. I believe in others telling me the truth, but it's a hard pill for me to swallow when the person giving you the pill acts Holier Than Thou and their situation is worse than yours.

Be selective in whom you take advice from. If their advice makes you feel anxious, nervous, angry or resentful, then it's not good advice. Just go with your heart and gut instinct. The saying is true, "Don't take advice from anyone more screwed up than you are." Good words to live by honey, now please be quiet and stop telling me how to lose weight.

PS. I love you.

Sabotage

Whenever I start a new diet/health program, there are always those people in my life that, for one reason or another and either consciously or subconsciously, will try and put a kink in my plan to get healthy. For years (and I do mean YEARS), I have allowed those people control in my life. Well here we are at yet another new beginning and all the naysayers come out from the woodwork. My husband is the worst about this.

I'll work out hard during the day. I'll be sore and tired and sometimes, I'll just not feel like cooking dinner. So sue me. So I always have some quick healthy choices on hand like sandwiches, fruit, eggs, etc. There are some nights that if I've had a rough day, I consider it a success to sit and just eat a quick tuna sandwich on whole wheat with some strawberries and grapes and call it a "healthy" dinner. My husband refuses to accept this. He wants a MEAL, "a Man's Meal", he says. A freshly cooked, hot meal. Not something re-heated in the oven or microwave. And since I don't have the energy to get up and make meat and potatoes, he wants to take us all out to eat for pizza, Mexican food, whatever is the unhealthy. Hoorrraaaayyyyy. NOT!!!!!!! Sometimes I just wished he cooked. (Note to self- In the afterlife, I want a husband that cooks. Oh wait, I'm sealed to this one for eternity so I guess I'm stuck. Anyways....It's the little things like this where his support would be really nice.

In the past, BEFORE I had my epiphany, I would actually get in the car and give in (give up my power) and go with him out to eat because I didn't want to argue and secretly I guess I just didn't care all that much. Of course, on the way there I would tell my self, there are lots of healthy choices I could make like salads, chicken breast and on and on. But once we got seated at our table and they bring the bread or whatever goodies are served before the meal, I would not have the strength to resist french fries, ranch dressing, grease, steak, butter, salt and the whole lot of it all. So I'd eat. BAD, BAD, BAD. Then I'd feel guilty. Then I'd feel like a failure and then I'd be angry, not only at myself but at him as well. Because I thought that if he "loved" me that he would not put me in harm's way of sabotaging my good sense.

Well, it has already begun. Twice this week he's wanted to eat out. So what can I do? I'll TELL you what I can do. I can call him up on his cell and tell him BEFORE he comes home that I don't feel like cooking, here are his choices and if he doesn't want salad or something quick at home then (on his way home if he wants to eat),he can he just drive by and pick up a salad/chili from Wendy's (a healthy choice). Get Subway. Another healthy choice or pick up whatever his heart fancies.... but if it's fast food and he wants to stuff his face with junk till he's sick, at least I won't have to be an accomplice or be tempted. Then he can drive home AFTER all the drama is over and keep me out of it? I really prefer not to have the temptation. It's just safer that way for me.

Stand your ground Divas. Remove yourself from the danger if you need to but remember, The Big Fat Truth #3 is that you have to look out for #1 first if you're ever going to be around to continue taking care of everyone else. Don't be hard on yourself because you exercised hard and your body is too tired to cook. You can maybe plan ahead and put some freezer meals in the fridge..... but there will still be those days when you just have to say, "Hey, I can't do it all so this is how it is."